July 2009
38 posts
JULY 31
2009
I wonder if police officers have have a certain quota of time to spend in a donut shop daily. I’m not saying this in one of those “Pigs are always eatin’ donuts instead of doin’ their damn job,” sorts of ways. I’m saying this because I feel that it’s an obligation, when joining the force, to frequent Dunkin’ Donuts. An officer who may...
My Calling, Via Text
I’m not quite sure how it started, but texts between my friend Molly and I always turn into me describing something in exquisite detail. I’ll review the restaurant I just ate at. The meal I ate. The movie I recently saw. Anything and everything that she asks about, I turn into a quite elegant review.. all in the 160 character limit of text messages to non-Verizon users. They go a...
I thoroughly enjoy the example post in the "chat"...
Example Tourist: Could you give us directions to Olive Garden? New Yorker: No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant.
Let’s hope the 2009 tour warrants a new...
The Constant Gardener
JULY 29
2009
Walking with Rory, I pointed out an upcoming garden. It was approaching midnight, so the beauty of the garden wasn’t fully recognized. I made it a point to make him appreciate this front lawn. I did so because I frequently glide by when running, always breathing through my nose at that point. An authentic aroma. It’s a small yard, probably a mere twenty by twenty space,...
Hey! Fan's Only
Does it bother one that much? I mean, you hear it all the time. “If you’re not really a fan, why do you wear the t-shirt?” You almost always hear a valid response, “I just liked the shirt.” That person garnered with your favorite artist’s logo may not share the same affection but is still supporting. They may not listen to the artist, but they are contributing...
You know what's really awesome about Tumblarity?
Nothing.
The majority of the world's deadliest creatures...
Steve Irwin wasn’t all that adventuresome after all..
“In track it’s all there in black-and-white. Lot of people can’t take...”
– Once A Runner, John L. Parker, Jr.
Moon Jellies
JULY 25
2009
Washed up onto the beach, like most defenseless sea things, they glisten in the hot sun. They go overlooked. The locals are used to them. The tourists find them boring. They look like giant contact lenses that refuse to dry out, despite the suns impressive efforts. They don’t have any frills or particularly interesting aspects. I think that’s why I took to them. I was...
New York to Yorktown
JULY 25
2009
A pair of sea legs and I’d feel completely assimilated. I had no intentions of portraying myself as a novelty. I’m not particularly regarded as an outsider, thus I don’t feel as if I am one. My time in Virginia, despite the aquatic aspect, has been comfortably similar to my time home in New York. The group of friends I’ve snuck into here has almost the...
Pace Yourself
JULY 22
2009
It’s doing it again. My mind is running, quite literally. Brain cells in overdrive like my rubber soles pounding hard against the concrete. The world is my track, not confined to the quarter- mile stretch of ergonomic rubber treading. It’s almost overwhelming, to have your thoughts always gearing toward a certain subject. A lopsided thought process leaving you...
Mr. Clean
Me: My room needs a severe cleaning
Ian: I am in the process of cleaning out my closet
Ian: It's a good feeling
Me: Are you going to find the old you in it?
Just Like Heaven
Me: That's what I think heaven would be
Me: You'd just be inside a giant 3D Dorito, taking a bite out of the wall whenever you want
Ian: While beautiful women give you head and beer flows out like water
Me: And beautiful men look on in jealousy
My favorite thing I'm following on Tumblr is...
Take A Walk
JULY 18
2009
The muffled stir of engines on the distant highway. My rubber soles clicking against the cold concrete sidewalks. The crickets serenading me with symphonies, seeming to compose all the sounds around me with their own. My favorite is the churning of the streetlight box on the corners, when it’s late at night you hear the lights changing and it’s surreal.
A Substitute For Dieting.. Plus Size Stores
Me: Oh It's my favorite store, Catherines for Plus Sizes
Molly: Those clothes are awful!
Molly: I mean, look at that print it just adds to it.
Me: No no! It helps take focus off how fat they are because you focus on the pattern, I mean if they were wearing a white t-shirt they'd look enormous.
Molly: No. They make ugly clothes that just make the fat people look worse!
Me: Well, Maybe that's their ploy. It makes them feel even worse for being obese, the fact that they can't wear acceptable clothing, so it's sort of like urging them to lose weight.
“That bowling ball said “Whoosh!” to that damn windshield!”
– One of many quotable lines from Dazed And Confused
I Always Feel Like...
JULY 17
2009
It was late. After checking the time we all decided we should be homeward bound. With a destination set, we changed direction and started the eery trek. The fog accumulated and blurred our vision. We joked about the resemblance of settings of horror movies and mocked whatever fictional beings could be stalking our every move. There’s a dark playground set back off of the road...
6043.) A woman's body is a masterpiece to me.
I heard you like STD’s, so I got you a whore so you can get some while you get some.
One of those “Oh it’s that...
Road Work Of Art Ahead
JULY 13
2009
Grungy, yet oddly flattering attire. Generic work boots tucked under tar splattered blue jeans (Wrangler would be on the tags, if I had to venture a guess.) An oversized neon vest matching her oversized hardhat. Dark ebony hair spilled out from under the lips of the safety helmet, merging into a disheveled pony tail. She held the red flag out in front of my car, which is when I...
Abra Kadabra
I was surfing the hilarity that is Youtube and after completing one video, one for “Woman gets pulled in half, both halves still alive!” was suggested. I granted the suggestion play. It was an entertaining magic trick, as one half of the woman crawled away frantically, sending the small audience into hysteria. The comments that followed are what really got me. “Obviously...
Rap Battle
JULY 11TH
2009
My friend posted a link to the song “You Don’t Want To Fuck With Me” by Ol’ Dirty Bastard on my Facebook. I took this as an immediate challenge, and returned fire. My retaliation was “Kill You” by Eminem, a surefire way to tromp his challenge like the bombs over Hiroshima. My rebuttal sent me straight to my massive collection of Eminem on my...
God Damn That Dachshund Made My Day
JULY 11
2009
It nearly dragged on the ground. The small dog was overshadowed by his dancing tongue. His tongue disregarded the boundary set by his little white fence of teeth. It overhung his jawline and danced in it’s successful escape. The dog didn’t seem to mind, as his tail wagged in parallel motion. Despite being held at the expense of a leash, the little dog was complacent....
Me: Whoever thought of Kidz Bop ought to be killed
Matt: I prefer Now thats what I call music. Because that's exactly what I say when I hear it
It's Still Shea To Me
Flushing tomorrow. Vamos Mets!
Buzzed
I realized that I never posted my college essay way back when. My url is buzzed because I wanted to post my writing, and you have to write your best to sway the admissions offices, so I felt it correlated.
Buzzed. I feel more vibrations on a daily basis than a construction worker that got pinned with the jackhammer. My cell phone, doubling as a life-line, shakes like a rattlesnake throughout...
“One of my favorite things to do is smoke cigars when I watch porn, I like to...”
– True Life: I’m Addicted To Porn, At least this guy kept his class when signing up for True Life
Storm King Sublimity
JULY 5
2009
Giant creations casting menacing shadows over the manicured lawn. The sculptures at Storm King park are elegant yet bold structures spewed out onto vast greens, while some hide in the trees without concern of being seen. The defiant sculptures lurking in the trees are more or less the ones worth the entry fee, though the “wow” factor of the gargantuan figures in plain...
Doing It, And Doing It Well
JULY 3
2009
Melvin Burgess seemed to disregard any generation gap in this book, diving directly into the hormone driven teenage mind and swimming through the sulci of the sex crazed youth. The book encompasses all the horrors and hilarity of sexual conquests. In graphic context you follow three teenage friends embarking on their fantasies. The dialogue correlates to practically every...
Orientation, Disoriented
JUNE 29
2009
With Albany, Georgia just moments away, I quickly had to insert the subsequent “New York” after my version of Albany. Considering me lost, many cocked their heads with a kink of the neck, like a confused puppy. Did I stumble upon a college campus after taking a wrong turn somewhere? Some were skeptical, other’s eyes glowed with intrigue. They had varying...
